what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
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If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
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Still dying that you shit outside
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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