He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
