I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
