He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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