FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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