That's intense
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
