this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
