help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
this hospital has no fireball
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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