My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
