I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
