life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
