ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
