You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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