i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
