I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
