everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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