Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
