ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
