I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
