my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
