You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
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