mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
