I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize