i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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