I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize