If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
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Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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