im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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