I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
