ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
