my mouth tastes like poor choices
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
