dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have tasted many bathrooms
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
