The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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