FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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