i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
