the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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