Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
