White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
