my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
