i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
