thus making me awesome and them whores
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
