if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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