Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
