I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
