There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
