I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
