I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
