I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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