Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
