How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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