allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
