What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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