Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
