Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We smell like vodka and hangover
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