News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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