So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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