mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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