dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The struggles of a small town man whore
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
