Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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