So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize