smell my finger.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
