3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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