You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
