GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
