i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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