And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
