giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I party with great urgency now.
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