if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
