I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
